Putting Yourself in Time Out

When I was child, spanking was the rule of thumb for parents to essentially "knock some sense" into you to prove your actions were unacceptable. As a parent, I used time out as a means for my children to "reflect" on their unacceptable behavior. Recently, I have come to find that you are never too old for a time out.

A friend and colleague sent me a transcript of author, Elizabeth Gilbert's interview from an O magazine video. She said that her one true passionate pursuit is writing. But after the success of her book, Eat, Pray, Love, she found her passion had fizzled and her writing in her words was "awful". Upon writing to her editor to confess about her lack of creativity and production, she received this advice. "Take a break! Don't worry about following your passion for a while. Just follow your curiosity instead."

Gilbert took her tired soul out to the garden and spent six months digging dirt instead of writing. The result was a renewed energy upon returning to her passion of writing. Gardening had given her a necessary time out.

Three simple words redirected Gilbert to her new book Committed, which she says she loves. The video is worth watching and perhaps her insights will produce a more mindful way of looking at "time out" for adults.

I have spent the last six months in utter turmoil with the caring for my mother-in-law, her move to independent living apartment, the clearing of her house and worldly possessions and the ultimate selling of the house on March 25th. I had no idea the burden that existed until it was gone.

I tried writing and found my thoughts were scrambled, unintelligible and not worth the click of the keys. I tried reading but within a few paragraphs my thoughts were wandering. I stayed in a motel for a few days while visiting friends and outside of visiting them, I slept. My passion was gone and all I wanted was to retreat, literally.

After reading the transcript of Gilbert's presentation, I am convinced that I, too, need a time out. Time to reflect on what I do, who I am and how the two have somehow become a jumble I no longer recognize. So if my posts seem few and far between, it is not because the thoughts are not tumbling through my exhausted brain. I am in a self appointed TIME OUT and don't intend to come out of my room until I have learned my lesson. 

Images: Flickr by nist6ss

I can see clearly now

I was asked to be part of group of influential women to review Borghese readers from Icon Eyewear. It was a surprise to be considered an influential woman, but even a bigger surprise to trade in my old readers for the Borghese.

The readers are stylish, lightweight and fit so well I hardly know they are on my face. I have bifocals but still have trouble viewing the computer screen. These are the perfect solution. They slip easily into my purse and are scratch resistant. As a musician, the bifocals are a challenge when reading and writing music. The Borghese readers let me see clearly without slipping down my nose as I look up and down from music to keyboard.

Icon Eyewear has transformed the frustration of eye strain into a stylish way to get back into the game. The readers soothe the eyes while making them look good. Combining function and Tuscan style makes the Borghese readers, eyewear you want to wear rather than dreading to admit you have to wear.

If you have to wear glasses to read, why not look good, too. Easy for the eyes and on the eyes, now that makes you healthy, wealthy and wise. That's a good thing. 

Ten Ways To Acquire Marketable Skills

If you are over 50 and wondering if you are competive in today's marketplace, you are not alone. It can seem like an uphill battle. Since teaching the PlusProject, an AARP Foundation grant project, I have worked with 100 men and women over the age of 50 who are climbing that same mountain. Learning to look past the age bias, changing attitudes about jobs vs experience, and understanding how to make old look new again is a focus of the Plus Project. The class syllabus works with a range of subjects from customer service, communications, conflict resolution, marketing, and computer skills. Bringing students up to date, current in the technology and needs of the changing marketplace and helping them find their place in it is what the Plus Project is all about.

Here are ten ways you can acquire marketable skills that are relevant to today's workforce for the next 10 years.

 1)     project managers will be in high demand to work across industries, cultures and languages. Although one can manage, leadership is not an assumed skill. Volunteer for opportunities within your company to gain  experience and broaden network and transferable skills.

2)    t-shape skills give an edge to job prospects. The T-shape skill has a high level of expertise adding broad skills on top. Not viewed as a generalist but adjacent skills, ones that complement your expertise. Examples of this would be a receptionist that serves as project manager, or a teacher who writes curriculum.

3)    Exercise entrepreneurial skills. In a tough economy, it can be the perfect time to start your own business. Make a business plan to see the potential of an idea you may have brewing or a longtime dream or idea waiting for the right time.

4)    Networking is a necessary requirement for any job. It is who you know. Make friends with those in higher places puts you in a position of being recommended when an opening arises.

5)    Global domination may be the new business model but it also creates opportunities for working from virtual locations, as businesses look to claim a piece of the world market. Be flexible. Can you relocate?

6)    New tech is ever present and ever changing. Keep current by following trends and don't be afraid to try. Be comfortable with Google docs and analytics, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Pinterest. Take tutorials offered at companies or local colleges. Try YouTube videos or other online tutorials.

7)    Back to school is a fine way to increase or brush up on skills. Take stock, first, of what jobs you are interested in and the skills that will put you in good stead.

8)    Create networks through LinkedIn. Use categories to shape this network - those who are industry leaders or influential in the industry, colleagues, and people you meet who might be helpful in some area down the line.

9)    Get comfortable working with young people. Mentors, problem solvers, advisors are positions that maintain relevance in the field and continued relationships and opportunities.

10) Lateral moves can be better than moving up the ladder. Gaining new skills, showing flexibility and widening your network can be more valuable in the marketplace.

The changes in the marketplace demand flexibility from the employee. It also creates a greater focus on skills and opportunities to learn and experience new areas in technology. It can be exciting as well as terrifying, but boomers have always been up for a challenge.

Images: Flickr image by _Tristan_

Sailing through the Estate Sale

After 3 months of preparing for this day, I thought closure would be inevitable. Despite the heavy lifting, sorting through hundreds of pictures, cleaning out a half dozen closets and twice that number of cupboards, dumping out and washing canning jars, tools, fishing gear, clothes...the grief looms ever larger in the rear view mirror.

I have helped others through this process of deciding what to keep, and more importantly how to let go. But it was always after the death of a loved one. After moving my mother in law into a retirement apartment last October, I have spent several hours every weekend trying to make sense of what one deems necessary to save. Some food stuffs expired in 1994. Every nut and bolt, screw, lengths of wire, fish hook, tupperware, had to be sorted, tossed and priced depending on the perceived value - one man's trash is another man's treasure. And as it turned out that is the truth.

I can't speak to which is harder, doing this after the death of a loved one or while they are alive and grieving the loss along with you. I do, however, know that it is not something I want to leave to my children. The process serves to bring closure to a chapter in life, but I believe it can be done less painfully and accomplish the same result. Here are a few suggestions.

• Talk with estate sale people now to get a sense of what the costs will be to handle everything. Set aside a fund or designate in your final wishes that this is how you want to take care of the estate. Provide your children with a check rather than heartache.

• Sort, sort, sort! Go through your personal belongings now. Box and label things you feel are family heirlooms. Dates, names, locations, help to identify family history but also give your children choices as to what priority to give to these items. If you have digital pictures, file them in albums with dates or titles. Delete pictures that are no longer relevant. I have hundreds of pictures of items for the estate sale. They need to go away now.

• Use a family gathering, Easter, Christmas, even 4th of July to share stories of special furniture, dishes, books, photos, memorabilia. Have your children choose the items they would like to keep. Put their name on the items or keep a list with your final wishes. 

• Remind yourself  - they are only things. Enjoy them while you have them and their memories when you don't. 

I would not wish this job on my worst enemy. Although it is definitely the road to closure, we can pack lighter and prepare better for the journey for ourselves and those who follow.

Images: photo by Eularee

A Good Laugh Begins At Home

After a long day of taking care of grandkids home sick and running my 91 year old mother-in-law to doctor appointments, picking up groceries, and my teaching job, I am grateful that there is food in the refrigerator to heat and eat. I check off the things on my to do list and start tomorrow's list, albeit with a few of the items that did not get checked off.

My days are long, the hours endless sometimes. I rarely have time for idle channel surfing but at 11:00 PM, I find myself restless despite the desperate need for sleep. Everybody Loves Raymond is in reruns at that hour. The show is all about Ray's parents moving into a retirement condo. It was the funniest half hour I have spent in a long time.

Ray and Debra (Ray's long suffering wife) are delighted that the senior Barones are happy in their new retirement community. After years of living across the street from the in-laws, Debra is thrilled at the new found peace. Then the couple gets called to the principal's office. The retirement community wants the Barones gone. Debra begs, Ray whines but the bottom line is the community has excommunicated the elderly pains in the backside.

Meanwhile the senior Barone's house has been sold to Ray's brother, Robert and his wife who have bought new furniture and are loving their new home. Enter the elderly Barones to take back their territory. Although the trials and tribulations of the Barone brothers are not exactly mine, they are close enough to bring out my "been there, done that" t-shirt. 

I, too, was called to the principal's office at my Mother-in-law's retirement apartment complex. The list of complaints was long enough but the bottom line one matched the Barone family - we want her out. She is bringing down the morale of the entire community. Since I am fully aware of the negativity that surrounds my mother-in-law and its choking affect on one's spirit, I was not surprised. But like Debra, I was willing to forgo my pride and beg for mercy. 

A good half hour of belly laughs was the best sleep aid on the market. A good night's sleep made the drama, well, less dramatic come daylight. The Barone's situation may not seem funny to most, but if you have played out this scene, then you know that if you can't laugh, you will cry. A sense of humor goes a long way to ease the tensions and seemingly endless barage of crisis' that envelope the caregiver's day. Thanks, Frank and Marie Barone, for being curmudgeons and busy bodies. To Ray and Debra, I feel your pain and raise you 10 more years. To all of you out there who can relate to this on any level, I highly recommend laughter. It gets you through the tough times and turns bitter memories, sweet. 

This too, shall pass. One chuckle at a time.

Image: Flickr by BestofWDW